


Little Feet

by vampirepirate



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics), Winter Soldier - All Media Types
Genre: Brainwashing, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky and Steve are ruining my life, Codependency, F/F, F/M, False Pregnancy, Folie a Deux, Gender Identity, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers, Psychological Trauma, Romance, pseudocyesis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-11 20:58:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2082984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampirepirate/pseuds/vampirepirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky were settling into a new life together. After Winter Soldier, not many spoilers, I think. Can't remember much except all the heart wrenching drama. Sometimes I think I was watching a different movie than anyone else. This is a working title. It may change. I just had to get this story out. Pronouns are gender neutral or absent when possible.<br/>Inspired by the idea that Bucky wants another baby. And Bucky only wants a baby from Steve. Is this just a red room glitch? Do Bucky and Steve have a secret?<br/>Or is it all just a matter of madness and biology?<br/>Higher rating for future chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> No gender has made this fun and frustrating to write. I'm enjoying writing it, I hope you enjoy reading it. I've got a few chapters (albeit short) so I can post up for a little while so long as I can fan the fire inside me.

1  
Steve pulled on a shirt and checked his face in the mirror. No nicks and no razor burn across the smooth planes of his cheeks and the turns of his rugged jaw. He grinned at the image and combed his hair one last time before heading out to breakfast.  
He could smell the bacon and eggs and what was unmistakably a healthy amount of oatmeal with fresh strawberry and cinnamon.   
Bucky had taken to domestic life pretty well. Not being able to work and not being on the run had made the assassin less picky on ways to spend the day.  
Steve grinned, “Hey babe,” he said as he peered into the kitchen.  
Bucky stood there by the sink, hands gripping the sinks edge, “Steve?”  
The voice was so soft, a touch frightened.  
Steve rushed over, “Buck what’s wrong?”  
“Where is he, Steve? He wasn’t in the crib.”  
Steve swallowed and his arms went around his best friend. He laid soft kisses into that silky brown hair, “He… he’s gone, Buck. A long time now… before all this.”  
A shudder went through Bucky’s body and Steve tried hard to keep it from his own.  
Bucky’s voice was empty when it came again, “Like it was yesterday… a year ago… a hundred years ago… same difference.”  
Steve frowned, his hands moving down to Bucky’s stomach and he caressed it gently. To him it felt that recent too. He remembered the bump under his finger tips. The way Bucky would swat him way and demand that Steve better spend his time finding someone who made a decent batch of shortbread cookies.  
Bucky pushed him away again and went over to the stove. “Eggs are burning.”  
A fact, indisputable and not something that Steve needed to comment on.  
He just nodded and went to grab the plates and cups and other things to set a place for them.  
Bucky hadn’t remembered something this personal in a while. It was usually a dance, a date and maybe a shared corndog. But not something from when things… when they…  
Steve couldn’t even keep the thoughts in order. It was easier to just stop thinking and to pretend Bucky hadn’t said anything. But that wasn’t fair. Bucky needed to process things, needed to know it wasn’t just a fried or planted memory.  
They needed to talk about James. If the memories were going to start coming back Steve had to be brave.  
When breakfast was served he looked over at his best friend. He watched eggs and bacon be pushed around the plate slowly until it just stopped.  
Steve swallowed his mouthful. “Eggs are good,” he said slowly. He wasn’t sure where to start. Bucky had that vacant gaze that sometimes meant Steve would find himself alone for a few days. “You should eat…” he said gently.  
Bucky looked up and cocked an eyebrow at him, “Not really hungry.”  
Steve let out a worried breath.  
“Geez, Steve chill out. I’ve gone without a meal before. One time went with out for a couple weeks… it wasn’t war time… well our war time…” Bucky’s voice drifted off when the expression didn’t leave Steve’s face. “Man, I didn’t mean to put you off your food. Please eat it… Hell I even went down to the bodega to get the bacon.”  
“You went out?” Steve said alarmed.  
“Cool your jets cowboy,” Bucky said with hands up. “It was early. Only Gio was there…”  
Steve sat back a bit, “That’s lucky.”  
“Yeah, for me. His shitty grandson leaves him there alone to run errands,” Bucky said angrily. “You ask me, the little shit is running drugs out of there.”  
“Hmm… should probably check into that. Is Gio’s ok?”  
“Damn right. Yeah he’s ok. Tough old coot. He likes when I come around. Says I remind him of the old kids he used to hang out with,” Bucky smiled. “Pretty sure he was Ralphy Serrano’s brother… remember I borrowed his bike once?”  
“Stole…”  
“I lost it… it doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to give it back,” Bucky countered.  
Steve laughed and gave him a soft smile, “Fine fine…”  
Bucky sat back, arms crossed giving Steve a challenging look until the super soldier withered and went back to his breakfast.  
Bucky was very pleased but didn’t show it however food did start disappearing from the plate which Steve was thankful for.  
“So, about before?”  
Bucky looked up, “What about it?”  
“If you want to talk we can…”  
Bucky cut him off, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Steve.”  
“Before… you asked about J…”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bucky repeated a bit harshly. Those eyes were hard, expression blank. The Winter Soldier was there. Steve knew that expression. Everything that was needed to know was known.  
Steve frowned but nodded that he understood. He shouldn't have ignored when Bucky was reaching out. He shouldn't have been so selfish. If Bucky remembered Steve wasn't going to be let in. Not any time soon.  
“Thanks for breakfast,” he said as he started to put things away.  
Bucky nodded and suddenly smiled brightly, “Of course, baby.”  
Steve turned at that and smiled back, cocking his head. He hadn't expected that. He also hadn't expected to be led back to the bedroom with the Winter Soldier dropping every bit of clothing all along the way.


	2. Promises to a Spider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve can't resist Bucky. Never could. Bucky knows it. Poor Steve wonders why Bucky asks the hard questions in bed?

Steve rolled over, his eyes moving over Bucky’s shape in the shadowy bedroom. He was content running his fingertips moved over his lover’s skin until Bucky’s laughter broke the dewy silence.   
“Cut it out.”   
Steve rolled over, “What?”  
“You get that sappy look on your face when you do that. And it’s weird.”  
“Oh yeah, because when you scream, ‘Fuck me, yeah! Do it Captain America!’, it doesn’t make things strange for me.”  
Bucky let out a huge laugh, “I did not!”  
“Yes, you did,” Steve said sternly. Bucky swallowed but couldn’t help getting a bit turned on at the authority and accusation in Steve’s voice.   
Steve could tell Bucky was suppressing a shiver or a moan with the way those teeth and that pink wicked tongue worried such soft red lips. He cleared his throat, “Uh…I mean, really, the level of filth when you’re climaxing…”  
“You can say cumming…”  
“Oh geez, Buck!” Steve said with a grimace.  
Bucky only snickered wickedly, “Prude.”  
“Shut up,” he said as the blush rushed up his face and he narrowed his eyes. “You should watch that mouth.”  
Bucky grinned, “Oh yeah… maybe you should be watching.”   
Steve looked on as Bucky’s tongue passed again over kiss swollen lips. Teeth bared as the other pushed Steve onto his back. His eyes lit up as Bucky began to lick the sweat in long slow strips from his stomach.  
“Filthy,” Steve half muttered and half moaned.   
“You got that right, punk…” Bucky said with a sideways grin. It was the kind of look that warned Steve that Bucky might stab him as soon as ride him, perhaps at the same time.   
Steve swallowed a yell as wet heat took him over. His head fell back and all he felt was teeth and tongue and hands.   
Slowly they moved over his cock, making it rock hard in moments. He had to look. A blush bloomed on his chest and neck and raced to the tips of his ears as Bucky went down on him again. Bucky shamelessly moved him in and out, taking Steve to the hilt without so much as pause to breathe before doing it all over again.  
Steve felt his breath leave him as he watched Bucky work. Steve licked his lips and reached out to stroke the messy strands of long dark hair. He was so glad thoughts of cutting it had been easily derailed by a little plea for Bucky to keep it a little longer. He pushed it back into place, gripping as he followed Bucky’s path along his flesh.   
“Thinking too hard Rogers,” Bucky said against his wet straining cock. Nails suddenly raked down his thigh and Steve cried out.   
“That’s better,” Bucky sighed from below. “Tell me how much you like it Stevie…”  
Steve whimpered at that and was rewarded with another long slow lick up and down his shaft. “Yes, Bucky…” he murmured. “Love it.”   
“Tell me you love me.”  
“I love you,” he whimpered as he tried to keep his eyes open while Buck’s mouth smiled around his cock, sharp teeth dragging along the skin, driving Steve closer and closer to the edge.  
“Give me whatever I want?” Bucky moaned before Steve’s cock made it difficult for the words to make much sense. It was intense to feel himself slip so far down Bucky’s throat. He’d give Bucky…   
“Anything…” Steve whimpered as the heat returned and Bucky carefully lifted his sack, finger dipping low and back to tease him. It teased and pressed. Steve was quickly unraveling as he felt himself breached. His breathing came raggedly that made Bucky look up to make sure he was ok. It had been a long time since they had to worry about an attack but for them it… the thought was dismissed as soon as Steve’s breathing became deep and strong,   
Bucky moaned and worked harder and faster. “Give me a baby,” Bucky said suddenly.   
Before Steve could respond he was sucked in deep and hard. Every inch of him swallowed whole as a pair of strong fingers pushed in and expertly hit their target over and over.   
He came hard and fast into Bucky’s mouth, moaning loudly and practically in tears as his lover laughed around him.  
Steve lay back panting while Bucky moved to lean against the headboard. The Winter Soldier’s face was calm, lips turned up in a smirk as the evidence was slowly licked away.   
Steve closed his eyes but he heard Bucky whisper, “You promised...”


	3. Of Exs and Oh Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is a surprisingly caring but nosy Ex. Who else is Steve going to talk to?

“You look like you’ve been fucked and dumped, Rogers,” Natasha said as she slid onto the desk that Steve was using to finish up a report.  
Normally he would have done the work at home but there wasn’t going to be any way he could concentrate with a baby-obsessed assassin waiting for him to lower his guard.  
Steve looked up at the red head and tried to think of what to say.  
“That one I’ll call ‘Warm Bus Seat’,” she said wistfully. “ And that one is ‘Wet Bus Seat’,” she cackled happily.  
“Are you done?” Steve asked.  
She arched a brow and looked at him hard, “Geez what crawled up your ass, Spangles.”  
Steve let out a sigh but let that one go. “Nothing, just working. “  
Natasha nodded, “Sure… you spelled your name wrong,” she said pointing to the screen as she stood up. “Let’s get a coffee and talk about your tragic love life.”  
“Shush,” he said. “I’m not…”  
“It’s not like you just came back from a sercret trip or mission from Las Vegas, which I’m betting you’d still write the report either way, so please don’t act like you’re not trying to keep a secret in a den… no lair… I like lair,” she said as she twisted a strand of now straight hair. “Lair of spies… It’s not like you can get away with it. Steve, you’re only problems are nylon punching bags and Bucky Barnes.”  
Steve looked around, no one seemed to be watching, but the terrible thing about spies is that it meant nothing. “Let’s go,” he said as he sent his report and shut down his access.  
Natasha was thankfully silent until they got to the café in the atrium and two coffees were whipped up quick. The stuff never sat long in a place like this.  
“So out with it,” she ordered as she kicked her feet up onto an empty chair. “What did the drama queen do now?”  
Steve winced at that and looked at his cup, “You don’t have to say it like that.”  
“Please, if anyone has a right to say that it’s me,” she smiled. “You do recall we had a thing right?”  
Steve tried not to let the jealousy show and Natasha tried not to let the thought linger.  
“What I mean is we’ve got history and if you two are having trouble… I want to help… you two are like family,” she said.  
Steve gave a little laugh, “It might be getting bigger if Bucky makes me keep my promise,” he said.  
“What the hell does that mean?”  
Steve debated on telling her. It was insane. “Bucky asked me for a baby…”  
“Why? To eat it?”  
Steve’s eyes goggled, “No, God, no! Natasha, why would you say that?”  
“It’s Bucky.”  
“Bucky’s not a baby eater… stop it. I’m not going down that path with you,” he said.  
“Jeez,” Natasha said. “Bucky had that baby fever before,” she said. “I don’t know what the Winter Soldier program was all about but man did they have some sick bastards in there. I wouldn’t be surprised this is some Easter egg that’s triggered again…”  
While she spoke Steve felt a bit sick. Red room malware, God he wished.  
“Didn’t they sterilized you all?” he blurted out.  
Natasha stopped talking and just stared for a long while. “Some of us… most of us,” she said. “But Bucky can’t. We talked about it before… well after you and before you now, I guess.”  
Steve hadn’t really been in a position to ask about what had happened back then but now it seemed like the two needed to fill each other in on the madness they’d encountered with the Winter Soldier.  
He looked over at her and sighed, “I think we need to have a long talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last few weeks have kicked mine and my family's ass. I'm good now. Family is moving on, slowly but surely. And on the plus side the angst has fueled the fires. Hope you love it. If you hate it, tell me too. Either way I need something to give me a good cry. Bucky thanks you as well.  
> A shorty but more to come.


	4. Catalyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve illegally adopt.

Bucky was holding their bag of groceries as Steve followed far behind with just a couple loaves of bread. They’d hopped off the train a few stops from their apartment so they could stop by the five and dime to pick up some sewing needles. Bucky took the stairs two at a time to hit the street. “Come on, we got to get there before they close on us.”   
“Why didn’t we just bring it with us?” Steve said annoyed.   
Bucky gave him a look, “Cause we ain’t spending ten cents every time you decide to scrap and tear up your clothes!” Bucky snapped.  
Steve lost a bit of his heat and looked down. He was lucky Buck was leaving it at that. The last time he’d shown up half torn to pieces Bucky had almost finished the job before they’d finished getting him out of his clothes and accessing the damage.   
Bucky looked to the point of tears as Steve washed up and returned to be stitched up, coddled and yelled at.   
“Give me something else,” Steve said with a bit of a wheeze. He didn’t want Bucky to have to treat him so soft all the time. .   
“Listen, we got eggs in here,” Bucky said softly. “And I am not letting your good intentions ruin what will be the best breakfast we’ve had in weeks.”  
Steve sighed but couldn’t argue and when Bucky had a point it was best not to. His stomach grumbled its agreement and he looked at Bucky apologetically.   
“Let’s get you home pal,” Bucky said with a small grin.   
They turned the next corner and took a shortcut between two foreclosed buildings. There hadn’t been tenants here in a while but that didn’t mean someone wasn’t wandering around looking for a score.   
They kept their shoulders stiff and walked a bit faster when Bucky suddenly stopped. Steve looked up and watched his friend closely.   
Bucky was still, eyes closed and head tilting.   
“What is it?”  
“Shh… I think… it’s a baby,” Bucky said gently.   
Steve cocked his head and listened and he heard it too. “Oh my God,” he whispered. “Bucky, what are we…”   
“We find it.”   
Bucky went down the alley way and turning towards a building and then stopped in front of an old store. The owners had left months ago. It was sad and when they looked inside they noticed the store office was open and that it was pretty tidy for an abandoned joint.   
Bucky tested the door and found that it swung right open. A long creak made them both stiffen. Steve’s eyes darted around, “All clear, Bucky,” he whispered.   
Bucky nodded and moved partway into the door. Steve moved in with each step his friend took. If anyone caught them in here they’d be in trouble for sure.   
The cry came once more and the two friends froze. It was growing softer. It was a slow mewling whimper that tore Steve’s heart apart. Bucky looked worse.   
They moved into the office and behind the desk lay an infant boy in a nest of blankets. He was dirty, cold and small.   
Bucky moved around the desk towards him then froze. Bucky’s eyes were locked with something before quickly snatching the little boy up and nestling him close.  
“Let’s go.”  
Steve met his gaze and went to go see what was behind there.   
“No Steve!” Bucky barked. Steve froze instantly. The little boy began to whimper and Bucky quickly held him closer and bounced him. “Shh, shh, I’m sorry baby,” Bucky whispered.   
“I don’t understand, Buck,” Steve said as he kept going. He leaned over and cried out.   
The woman had been dead a while. The cold had kept her preserved but she appeared to have been starving long before and she couldn’t go any longer.   
Bucky reached over and yanked Steve closer.   
“I said don’t look,” Bucky said softly.   
Steve felt a sob rising but then kisses peppered the top of his head, the baby whimpered between them. “Shh, it’s ok, Steve. Don’t look. Let’s go… get our food.”  
Bucky took the loaves of bread and let Steve concentrate on slowly carrying the bulk of the food.   
Steve looked on, still in shock and on the verge of tears the rest of the walk home.   
No one even gave them a second glance. He wondered if anyone had known her and if…  
“Cut it out,” Bucky’s voice snapped. “You’re thinking too loud, it’s bothering me.” The baby whimpered and Bucky curled the baby closer, kissing his head. “Don’t worry baby, we’ll get you something to eat. I promise.”  
Steve cringed but he understood. If he was upset, he couldn’t imagine what Bucky was going through. The baby was cradled tightly but he didn’t seem to mind.  
“We’ll be ok. Right, Steve? We’re all going to be ok.”


	5. He's Ours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two friends and a baby

The next few weeks were a blur. It was probably the hardest thing the two friends had ever done. They had told the authorities about the woman and they saw the scene as they came home from the station the next day. Steve had brought the baby to meet Bucky at the station. When Bucky went to ask the police they didn’t mention a baby.   
Neither of them had much experience with babies but the little guy had a tooth so Bucky figured almost anything mashed would be ok.   
They stuck with oatmeal and runny eggs with milk and mashed banana. It looked pretty sick but little James seemed to love it.  
“How long you figure she was in there?” Bucky asked quietly as James stared up as he ate his dinner. He made little snorting noises as he rotated between greedily sucking food and air.   
It was damn cute until spit up time but they didn’t mind anymore.   
“Seemed pretty neat. So maybe a little while,” Steve said as he watched Bucky rock the baby.   
Steve was able to get the baby to eat when he got really desperate but James just didn’t eat well unless Bucky was holding him. It wasn’t as if James didn’t like Steve but he seemed more comfortable with Bucky. And he knew Bucky was feeling the same way about the baby. Steve noticed how much time Bucky spent with the baby after work. Bucky didn’t want to go out anymore, not that they could with the little sprout. And having to take care of the errands alone had made Steve more confident since he had a purpose and two people he loved waiting for him to come home safe.   
But there were just so many changes that Steve couldn’t wrap his head around it fast enough.   
“Bucky?” he asked softly.   
“Yeah?” Bucky whispered as James was trying to chase the bottle as it was pulled away. Bucky kept swaying so that James’ eyes closed and his mouth stopped going towards the bottle. Bucky put the baby down on their bed and turned to Steve.   
Steve stopped to look around and saw how their tiny apartment had transformed in such a short while. They’d found a bassinet that had seen better days, extra shirts became blankets and diapers and a little tin washtub now lived by the sink.   
“Shouldn’t we be looking to, I mean. Isn’t it time we… gave him back?”  
Bucky looked up at him, mouth opened to speak but after a moment closed it. Bucky was thinking hard about what to say. But only one thing came out.  
“Why?”  
Steve shrugged as he folded up some clothing again. “I don’t know. I mean, someone is going to notice soon. The two of us just suddenly having a baby?” he asked. “It’s going to be hard to explain.” He watched Bucky and he wasn’t sure how far he should push this. Bucky looked angry and that last thing Steve wanted was a fight.   
“We could take care of him,” Bucky said. “We’re already taking good care of him. He doesn’t have to go. We don’t have to explain ourselves to no one, Steve. You know that. To hell with them, James needs us. He’s our baby.”   
Steve blinked, “But he’s not, Bucky. He had a mom and maybe a dad out there who’s looking for him.”   
“If he did, she wouldn’t have died,” Bucky growled. “What kind of useless fuck just leaves? She was alone and starving, Steve. I can’t let James go home to someone like that.” Bucky went over to the bed and watched James for a moment before picking him up and keeping him close.   
Steve bit his lip as he watched all this and moved towards the bed.   
Bucky’s eyes followed him closely as he approached.   
Steve frowned and stepped over more slowly. “Sorry, Bucky, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said. He lay down on the bed just as carefully. He stroked James’ back to calm him from the tension in the room.   
When his little brow relaxed, Steve drew in as close as Bucky allowed, letting their legs entwine as he put an arm around them and they took a little afternoon nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve loves Bucky and he'll to anything not to lose his best friend.


	6. What does a weapon dream about?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha takes a peek beneath the mask. Bucky is always careful not to get close, not to give too much away. The only one who could give the Widow a run for her money was the Fist of Hydra.

Natasha leaned against the wall of the dark little apartment. Night had fallen and the team sent after them hadn’t moved in what seemed like hours. The Winter Soldier hadn’t moved from the spot by the door.   
Natasha’s eyes roamed over him. She took stock of the tactical gear he wore. The trousers were an impossibly dark blue that blended in with the black of night. Straps and buckles placed strategically where they could be tightened in a moment to serve as a temporary tourniquet.  
Enough pockets to store gear, carry ammo and secure items. She wondered just how much they planned for their little mule to carry. She knew the arm could do most of the work but the asset was no slouch.   
The suits utilitarian aesthetic removed identity. It did not mark him as Russian or Hydra or any other agency. It was a terrifying thought how the Winter Soldier could be anyone. Any mother or brother that took enough of the abuse and withstood the trials could have become this monster.   
These thoughts should scare her. She knew enough about him to keep her distance but if she was honest with herself, it made her curious. She let her eyes roam over the long lean legs, strong arms and chest. She was fascinated by the glittering silver of that metallic arm. She’s seen the soldier do some real damage with that thing.   
She wondered what it was like for the victims. What terror did they feel when life was squeezed from them by that hand? Or how angry they were when their killer looked so vacant and lost as if the whole act was a surprise?  
Natasha knew some of what happened to the soldier when it was time to sleep. He’s shown her care in their time together and it made her heart ache to know what he would go through when they were taken back and separated. She knew the vicious men who laughed as they wiped memories, asking test questions and then laughing again when the Soldier was on the verge of tears struggling with a name or face.   
Some memories were too deep to wash out. She knew this first hand. She wondered what haunted her partner. What kept the soldier awake all night? Were there memories that clawed their way back up? Were they unbearable and so evil no drug could be enticing enough to try? Were they little bits of peace? Maybe it was the only time the soldier could enjoy them, when it was all quiet and no one could take them away.   
She cleared her throat feeling a bit sleepy and needing something more to stay alert. “Um… Well. It’s a good a time as any to bed down. You want me to take first watch?” Natasha asked.   
He shook his head and their eyes met but the soldier remained silent.

She unzipped her cat suit slowly before she noticed Bucky looking on. She smirked, “You see something you like?”  
Bucky seemed to snap out of some reverie and blushed rather suddenly. The heat had crept to his cheeks and the ridiculousness of the sight almost made Natasha laugh. She cocked her head.   
“Hmm, I hadn’t expected such a response, Yasha. Thank you,” she said.   
Bucky eyed her, “What?” The raspy low voice was always so alien when it came through that mask. It rarely matched those sad eyes. She had stopped asking for him to take if off a long time ago.   
It’s not as if it set off any alarms with their targets. He liked to hang back and have the target arrive where he wanted them where as she had no fear in rolling over in bed and sinking in the knife.   
“For the compliment,” she clarified. “I’ve seen you shoot a father after he dropped off his kids at school, snap a home care worker’s neck… but a little skin makes you blush,” she said. She shrugged which made her breasts do very nice things against the zippered edge of her outfit. “It makes a girl feel… nice,” she said.   
Bucky swallowed, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and out of control, “Um… you’re welcome… “  
Natasha had been naked plenty of time before. Why was this suddenly an issue? Bucky tried to remember the thoughts that had come unbidden moments ago. What was it? It was a vision, no a memory, perhaps, of a lover with an ice cream. No it was popcorn. It was a little bucket. But it wasn’t a friend. It was easy to tell from the way they looked at Bucky. No friend looked at anyone like that. Then there was a kiss. It was soft and slow before the scene changed again to a room like this one. Then Bucky and the mysterious frail and gentle paramour were in bed. Nothing was hurried. Nothing was too intense.   
Bucky remembered that was very important. The young man… was it a man? Of course it was. Yes… And he was frail. He couldn’t breathe if he got too excited. Bucky wouldn’t risk it.   
Natasha didn’t say anything for a while as she watched him. The red head raked her fingers through her hair to try and smooth it.   
Usually Bucky stayed quiet, didn’t look at anyone and the silence was tense but familiar. The Winter Soldier’s only indulgence was getting lost in thought.   
The asset has been around a long time before her but age hadn’t touched those pale eyes. They were so sad and sometimes vacant. It was as if he knew something was missing or had been taken. If only the soldier knew. Maybe Bucky didn’t even care.   
Natasha cleared her throat and met his eye. “You can sleep beside me if you’re cold,” she said. “I’ll even zip up.”   
She could see the smile beneath the mask and she returned a small one of her own.   
“Not necessary…”   
“Yasha,” she said softly. “What were you thinking about?”  
“Nothing real.”   
“Why?” she whispered as she got up and went to sit on the other side of the door.   
“It’s never real. They said it’s not.”   
“So why do you smile?” she grinned.   
She met the Soldier’s gaze. She could tell it was a struggle to think of what to say. She was a spy. Everyone knew that. She was no one to be trusted. Maybe she would even tell the handlers and they’d do worse things.  
“I’ve seen you sleep,” she said suddenly and she’d swear she’d never seen Yasha’s eyes so wide. “They keep you dressed that way,” she said pointing to the outfit. “The whole tactical set if they have lots of plans for you,” she said.   
Bucky swallowed and tried to control a tremble in the nonmetal hand.   
She watched Bucky’s reactions carefully. “You look so calm when they send you to sleep… almost sweet.”  
“Please stop,” the soldier’s voice had become a low dangerous whisper.   
Natasha let her foot move out and she caressed the closest leg. Her boot moved along the other’s leg.  
When no resistance came she moved her other leg on the opposite side. Her eyes locked with Bucky’s and she would see the uneasy rise and fall of excited breathing. It seems the Winter Soldier was especially vulnerable now. She bit her lip, oh the idea of it, the danger, the complete abandon she was chasing made the small hairs on her body stand up.   
Bucky was not trying to move away but it felt like forever before she got a response. A hand moved up her left calf slowly then the other side and soon she found herself in the Winter Soldier’s arms.   
She reached up and when the eyes stayed focused on her she pulled off the mask with a triumphant smile. She suddenly froze as she got a good look. Her eyes roamed the impossibly young face, fingers dancing over smooth supple skin, over full lips, red as fresh blood. This couldn’t be the same soldier… the years alone, she thought.   
Her mind spun as she replayed all her information. She knew that anything could change with just one new piece of information. She leaned in and pressed their mouths together slowly. There was no response when she pulled away, no acceptance but also no violence.   
She blinked and smiled. “You are beautiful, Y-Yasha,” the name felt vulgar in her mouth. “And so special,” she whispered. All of a sudden the little pilot light she’d nursed all this time had morphed into an all consuming flame. It encased them and she felt warmth all over her as their lips crashed again. This time the soldier gripped the back of her head and held her hips down grinding slowly against her. Natasha had never wanted anyone so much in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hard and worth writing. I'd love some feedback on this.

**Author's Note:**

> Just fyi the term pseudocyesis refers to false or hysterical pregnancy which can occur in females and to a much smaller degree males. While males generally experience couvade syndrome or sympathy pains, it can get as realistic at pseudocyesis with the sufferer experiencing everything from weight gain, nausea and even labor pains all without a fetus.  
> Once I started thinking about this Bucky really started to demand his story be told.  
> Comments welcome. Errors, please point them out.  
> Thanks  
> XOXO VP


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